Wednesday, 30 January 2008

Basil's Fawlty Business Proposal

Dear Owen

I crave your indulgence at this mail coming from somebody you have not met before. I decided to do this after praying over the situation, you should please consider this transaction on its content and not the fact that we have not met before. I need not dwell on how I came by your contact information because there are many such possibilities these days.

I would like to introduce myself as Mr Basil Omiyi; I am the procurement director with Shell petroleum plc Nigeria. To begin with sir, A contract of $50 million was awarded to one Mr. Whyte a U S national to supply raw material to our flow station at Eleme Port-Harcourt, River State South of Nigeria, Mr. Whyte has since completed the contract awarded to him and shell has paid him half of his contract fee of $25 million, he was asked to come back on the 12th of December 2005 for the payment of his outstanding fee of $25 million. However tragedy struck as Mr. Whyte was among the passengers on board sosoliso Airline that clashed on the 11th of December 2005 from Abuja to port-Harcourt arround 7:47, if you are conversant with world news you would have heard about the clash.

Sir all avenue has been exploited to locate any member of his family, but all to know avail, a later was also sent to his address but it was returned on the basis that Mr. Whyte has no living relation. So I am seeking for your assistance to stand in as next of kin to Mr.Whyte and allow me to transfer the balance of $25 million into your account, I will give you 40% of the money and 50% for me then 10% will be for any expenses we will incur in the course of this transaction, I assure you Sir that this transaction is 100% risk free.

If you are interested in this transaction. Reply as soon as possible via my email for more information and please keep this absolutely confidential. Although, I am in London at the moment for an official duty Thanks for your cooperation. I await your urgent response.

Basil Omiyi

Comment : Firstly my name is not Owen. Same old story here. 40% of $25 million, and a tragic plane crash.. Need not dwell on how he came about my contact information? Thats nice for him.

You crave my indulgence? I bet you do and a couple of zeros added to the end of your bank account no doubt.

I like to think of myself as conversant with world news, but no I hadnt heard about this crash. If you were conversant with world news Basil you would have heard of fraud and scams by email.

Aside from the transaction being 100% risk free as you claim, I just cannot do business with someone called Basil.

More foreign remittance

FROM THE DESK OF MR.IDRIS MUSA
BILL AND EXCHANGE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPT.
BANK OF AFRICA ( BOA) OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO

Dear friend, Compliments, I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department of BANK OF AFRICA. I am writting to seek your coperation over this business deal.

In my department, I discovered an abandoned sum of$15million USD(Fifteen million US dollars)only , in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family in a plane crash that took place in Kenya,East Africa, the Late DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY,a citizen of Atlanta,United States of America but naturalised in Burkinafaso,WestAfrica and contractor with ECOWAS,(ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF WEST AFRICAN STATES) .

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because it cannot be released unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately , all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this businness proposal to you and release the money to you via your foreign bank account as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and this money Could go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill.

The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclamed after four years, the money will betransfered into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request for your assistance and maximum co-operation as a foreign citizen to stand as the next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the deceased customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.

40 % of this money will be for you as my foreign partner, inrespect to the provision of a foreign account. 10 %will be set aside for expences incured during the business and 50 % would be for me. There after I will come over to your country for disbursement accoding to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate trnansfer of this fund to you as arranged,you must apply first to the bank as the relation or next of kin to the deceased, indicating your claims and wherein the money will be remitted . Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of application which you will fill and submit to the office of the foreign remittance director of the bank of africa.

I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is stricly confidential and i will use my position in this Bank to effect a hitch free transfer of the fund. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately. Please , visit the website below for more informations about the Plane Crash and the tragic death of the deceased and his entire family, Late DR.GEORGE BRUMLEY. http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/07/20/kenya.crash/index.html

Your・s faithfully,
MR.IDRIS MUSA

Comment : Wow, looks like I'm in the money again. Strangely similar to the last email, only this time I only get 40% of $15 million. 10% will be spent on expenses? I didn't realise you had any, unless you are a heavy drinker? So a Burkinabe cannot take receipt of the money. More importantly what a lovely word, Burkinabe.

So I'm learning thats its impossible for people in Burkino Faso to withdraw money and the planes are not too reliable.

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

I'm In The Money!

FROM THE DESK OF MR.WILSON KABORE
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER
BANQUE ATLANTIQUE-OUAGADOUGOUBURKINA FASO.

Trust/Confidential proposal

Dear Friend, Please this is important and very urgent i have an urgent transaction of $20.6 million usd to transfer to your nominated account, I am mr wilson kabore i am an Auditor, with Accounting Department,BANQUE ATLANTIQUE here in OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO.

Aftergoing through some old files in the records, I discovered that if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited for nothing. The owner of this account unfortunately died in the plane crash of Union Transport Africains Flight Boeing 727 in Cotonou, Benin republic on the december 25, 2003. You will read more stories about the crash on visiting this website www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/

No other person knows about this account or any thing concerning it,the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that his company does not know anything about this account and the amount involved is (USD 20.6 MILLION) Twenty million Six Hunderd Thousend United States Dollars. I want to transfer the USD 20.6 MILLION) Twenty million Six Hunderd Thousend United States Dollars into a safe foreigners account abroad , but I don't know any foreigner, I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to a local bank here, but can only be approved to any foreign account because the money is in US dollars and the former owner of the account is a foreigner too.

I know that this message will come to you as a surprise as we don't know our selves before, but be rest assure that this is life time business for both of us even for our generation to come . With believe in God that you will never let me down in this business. You are the only person that I have contacted in this business, so please reply urgently so that I will inform you the next step to take urgently, Send also your private telephone and fax number. I want us to meet face to face or sign a binding agreement to bind us together so that you can receive this money into a foreign account or any account of your choice where the fund will be safe. I will fly to your country for withdrawal and sharing and other investments.

I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with foreign account and foreign beneficiary. I need your full co-operation to make this work fine because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has correct information about this account, which I will feed you with, if you are able and with capability to handle such amount in strict confidence and trust according to my instructions and advice for our mutual benefit because this opportunity will never come again in my life.

I need truthful person in this business because I don't want to make mistake I need your strong assurance and trust. With my position now in the office I can transfer this money to any foreign reliable account, which you can provide with assurance that this money will be intact pending my physical arrival in your country for sharing.

And i want to remind you that your share has been carculated at 35% of the total sum. I'am waiting for your urgent reply so that i will give you more information about this deal. Please reply back to my private email address wilson_kabore@yahoo.com)

With regards, Mr WILSON KABORE.

Comment : 35% of $20.6 million, not a bad days work for just opening an email. So I'm the beneficiary because I'm a foreigner presumably with an account. Lucky me. So Wilson wants to fly over to split the dosh, hes very trusting isnt he.

A friend in need?

Dear Friend,

I am wife of sacked deputy president of south africa, jacob zuma.

It is out of desperation that i am sending you this mail. my husband and i need your help in fronting for us as owner of funds that are his which might come under investigation soon if the fund's ownership is not changed soonest. as my husband's finances are increasingly becoming the source of investigation by our distractors. the source of these funds which my husband's earnings would not validate, will further sink him into the cesspool dug by our enemies.

It is because of the dire strait we find ourselves that we resolved to reach you and ask for your assistance in this matter. we are averse to letting those we know here into this deal because we are no longer sure of who our friends are. you will be rewarded if you choose to help us in partnership in this deal. I will be expecting to hear from you via my personal email account(mrszumal@yahoo.es) and will disclose further detail to you upon your response. do well not to disclose the content of this mail to anyone.

Best Regards,
Lindiwe Zuma

Comment : The wife of the sacked deputy president of South Africa, I didnt know I had friends in such high places. Jacob Zuma is the current president of the governing party ANC. He admits to being a polygamist and has been married 4 times. Though I cant see Lindiwe listed anywhere as his wife.

He is being investigated by the National Prosecuting Authority for corruption surrounding an arms deal, including tax evasion, money laundering, and racketeering. And Lindiwe wants me to front ownership of his funds. Well I won't be emailing her just yet...

Monday, 28 January 2008

My Junk Email Exposed

The idea of this site is to show the rubbish that gets sent too my email account daily. And thats it really. Hopefully some comment and humour can be derived from it.